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Olympic Innovation in Solo Events

Conversation in Some Sort of Context, Could have Been an Olympian or Even a Porn Star Edition:
“That Old Spice guy is pretty buff. He could have been an Olympian.”
“Perhaps he’s not an athlete. Simply being all ripped doesn’t necessarily mean that you have the coordination and whatnot.”
“But he’s like more muscular than some of the people in these events. Well, not more than these Russian chicks, but overall.”
“With that logic, I could have been a movie star.”
“Ummm…”
“I mean I have the equipment, I just never could polish the technique.”
“There are a lot of solo events. in the Olympics. You could have tried that. I mean those do involve a lot of tossing of things.”
“Imagine it… ‘Jim, we’ve seen a lot of innovation at the games over the years, from Fosbury’s flop to those weird bubble people in Albertville, but never anything quite like this.'”
“‘I agree, Bob. While many competitors would stick to the tried and true thrust-and-release technique, he really hangs in there and gives it his all, really working that thing.'”
“‘It hasn’t been an easy ride for him to get here. There is a lot of controversy regarding his use of questionable supplements, his taping of a photo of Bea Arthur inside of his sunglasses, questions of whether he’s been hypnotized to only think about Baseball stats… Not to mention the overt sponsorship from the Shake Weight people.'”
“‘Good thing for him that there’s no time limit. Unfortunately there is no dedicated clean-up crew either, so we’re seeing a lot of the guys having to alter their approach and foot plant angles.'”
“‘There have been complaints as well about him leaving sandwich crumbs behind, falling asleep during interviews, using an exorbitant amount of talc in the later rounds…'”
[family member who asked not to be named enters room]
“What are you guys talking about?”
“Innovation in the Olympics… More specifically how the Javelin throw could benefit from a partnership.”
“We didn’t get that far. We’ve only really discussed it as a solo event, but I do like the way you think.”
“I may just go back in the other room.”
“Hey, what’s a Shake Weight?”
“I’m definitely leaving.”

Forced Fate

Perhaps it isn’t about having the courage to take that step off of the edge and fall into the unknown. Maybe the truth lies a lot closer to understanding just what exists there, and honing the ability to slow your fall to land in just the right place.

…or having the wherewithal and fearlessness to reach deep into the ether and pull that fate up toward yourself. It’s really a matter of knowing when to have your eyes open, and what to focus on, and that comes with experience, not from a book.

I’m Not a Monster, After All

Don’t get me wrong, I feel bad for the dude… I’m not a monster, after all.

But in hindsight, two things were working against the man whose stall I barged into in the restroom:

One: That door latch appeared to be in perfect working order.

Two: (and possibly more important than the first) His missing legs most certainly did not prevent him from engaging that fucking latch.

But I’M the bad guy. Perhaps my telling you that taking a “stand” over an honest mistake was, well, a mistake, but cut me some slack here. I was probably just, if not more embarrassed. And just a little freaked-out to be frank.

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