Everyone is a Critic
I had submitted the rewrite of the script for my epic re-working of “The Wiz” (you know, the Bukakke version with the all-Asian cast, but set against the backdrop of a sleeping pill-induced dream taking place in the subconscious of a young starlet following a dinner date with Cosby in ’78), and the studio returns it asking yet again why I had chosen to replace a key character with an elephant (seemed obvious enough in the scene where it uses its trunk to liven-up the foam party), and if the dive-bombing monkeys really need to masturbate so furiously, especially since I have refused to allow Kevin James to be cast as all eleven thousand of them (and yes, his “angry Paul Blart face” worked in pre-viz, but come on… this is art), even if it means losing my PA “Daisy”, a two year old Pitt Bull/Lab mix.
That said, Kanye is still on this wish-list to freestyle rap over midi versions of Led Zeppelin’s Houses of the Holy tracks… which, if cued-up with the original movie matches the action on-screen, assuming you replace the first nine tracks with Tone Loc’s immortal Lōc-ed After Dark, dropping “On Fire” and “Lōc’in on the Shaw”, naturally… and eat a bag of bath salts.
In worse news, the Mapplethorpe estate has granted us full access to the archives of his work for the movie poster, but not signed off on the rights for us to have line art created from those works to use as a part of a promotional coloring contest. I may just pull the plug on this one and finish up my proposal for a Saturday morning cartoon series based on the unlicensed (but still underground cult hit) Bollywood remake of the film Titanic, but set in an elevator in an alternate dimension in the year 4057 (with voice acting by the cast of the original Resident Evil video game).
However, my plan to reunite Val Kilmer and Richard Stanley on the project should provide a wave of warm fuzzies hitherto unseen since the Eagles’ fabled 1980 show in Long Beach. To call this an epic of epic proportions would be doing that word a grave disservice, my friend.