The Cars-as-the-Star Double-Standard

I have it figured out.

They cancelled reruns of The Dukes of Hazzard because of something much deeper than just a flag on a Charger. It appears to me, anyway, that the liberals have been unable to crack the mystical powers of displaying that graphic on a vehicle, and thus are furious over not having access to the abilities possessed within.

To illustrate my theory, note that the Duke’s Charger and the Bandit Trans Am each have a Confederate flag displayed on them; one has it on the roof, the other as a part of the old Georgia state flag on the front plate. Each has the mystical power to clear a body of water.

Ted Kennedy’s Olds, well, not so much.

I rest my case.

…and while we’re talking about some meaningless sand-in-your-vagina bullshit, may I suggest banning all reruns of The Munsters? After all, Grandpa had the “Dragula”, and that looks like a coffin which offends me because funerals are sad… and old people sort of smell funny. TV shouldn’t make people sad, it should tell you about how awesome the government is and what stuff you need to buy to be like celebrities. And body spray.

Also, in Family Matters, Urkel drives a BMW Isetta, and that’s German, where Nazi’s come from. Oh… was that mildly stereotypical? Nothing at all like claiming that a car can be “racist”, right? Yes, it sounds almost that fucking stupid. That’s like banning the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile simply because it resembles a gay pride parade float (minus all of the leather chaps-wearing, ABBA lip-synching people you’d see loitering around that big sausage wagon at the state fair.

And thinking about it using the logic of the ‘racist car’, let’s aim for truth on television, ditch the ‘Political Correctness’ shit and ban all reruns of The Green Hornet because (and let’s be honest here) we all know that most Asians can’t drive for shit in real life. Discuss.